do you love me enough?

I've been trying to write about you.

But nothing that I write is anything that you want to hear. and I'm sorry for that and I know you don't want to hear that and I know I shouldn't even tell you that but you know me and you know that I love you I love you I love you but you also know that when something's wrong, I push it aside till it consumes me and for no reason at all, I don't like how many people know that little secret about me, but I don't mind that you do of course, let's just hope that no one ever uses it against me because it is a curse. So I guess what I am trying to say is that this is me trying to handle issues in front of me and not when they burst. I don't think that it's working out that well but I think a lot of depends on you and I love you I love you I love you but I think that it's not going to be easy. It's gonna be really really hard but I just want you to really really trust me when I say that I have had this before and I know what I'm talking about. I can see what is happening on my end and I can feel the tension in my self and I don't want that with you because you are my freedom. You are my peace. You make me lighter. and you make me laugh and you change the subject and you help me kite run away from my problems sometimes which helps me realize that there is so much more in this world than the life I am living.
There is you.
And "you" is reassuring.
So, it's like that again. Because I can breathe better when you're with me but those times are too short and too scarce and it doesn't balance out in my life at all because I have so much. too much. going on that you don't see and that you can't be there for and I don't like that. Because I like the saying "Go big or go home" and I do that in not only my relationships but with the friendships that matter to me. and you matter to me SO MUCH. I love you a lot and I want to show you that love but I cannot. I cannot. not right now at least.
I feel like I've tried to say this before but I guess in a different way, but do you love me enough to let me go? Do you care enough about any sort of a chance at all later to save it for then?
Please love me enough to let me go.
Because I love you more than enough.

"Enough To Let Me Go" by Switchfoot

Oh, I'm a wandering soul
I'm still walking the line
That leads me home alone

All I know
I still got mountain to climb
On my own, on my own

Do you love me enough to let me go?
To let me follow through
To let me fall for you
Do you love me enough to let me go?

Back from the dead of winter
Back from the dead and all our leaves are dry
You're so beautiful, tonight

Back from the dead we went through
Back from the dead and both our tongues are tied
You look beautiful tonight

But every seed dies before it grows

Breathe it in and let it go
Every breath you take is not your to own
It's not your to hold
Do you love me enough to let me go?