After Bite

Being passionate comes with a price. And sometimes I don't think the reward is worth it. Because I hate drama drama drama. And people laugh and nod their heads in agreement but there's a deeper reason I despise the awful stuff and that reason is you.
That "you", I guess, I directed towards everyone because I don't trust anyone but myself anymore.
Because I'm sick of roller coasters and mystery and the constant quiver between hope for a new day and eternal let-down.

I want to put every sentence in parenthesis (because I'm scared of saying something I don't mean).
People are tracking too close to what I say and my tongue is getting tired of having to talk such heavy words.
I want to yell simple, meaningless nothings every once in a while and have someone around to listen to them.

But things are too heavy.

I want to capture everything in quotations "because I just don't believe it anymore".
I want to be the gullible girl some more. That ended too early. I want to believe too easily and have everyone laugh when I look to the ceiling once again and see that your name still isn't written on it.
I want to laugh at myself for believing again.

But the jokes aren't funny anymore.

Once again I loved too easily. I believed too soon. I laid all my weight upon the fault line. And even my strong hope couldn't stop the earth from shaking. And for that I am mad at myself and my weak soul.

I can say one thing without any sort of uncertainty. That I need someone to lift me. Even if it's just for a little while.
I am so sick of the heavy that, this time, I know I just can't ignore.

I guess I had to learn someday that popcorn burns fast if you're not watching it closely and that vampires aren't even real and their bites only poison some and that I guess my brother-in-law was right and all people who drive trucks really are douchebags and maybe Las Vegas really was too far of a drive anyways and the magic we talked about was all just glitter and dust.
I guess I learned.
But oh how I loved my niavety.

You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, old man, but you do have a say in who hurts you. I like my choices. I hope she likes hers." - Augustus Waters

What I have been needing.

Kingdoms (Inspired by Emily Ruth Pew) by Private Conversation

You know what? I'm a king. A king of what, you ask? Well... A... A kingdom.

In reality, we're all kings and queens. We rule over our hearts. And as kings and queens we determine who enters our kingdom. We hold that power. And even though we are the kings and queens, we have little power over what people do when they enter our kingdom.

Once they are there, what was once held by us as power is now viewed as vulnerability. And people can choose whether or not they stay in our kingdom. 

They can also choose whether or not they stab us in the back.

Once people have entered your kingdom, they can see all that you've gone through. And all that you long for and they can view the most raw emotions that you feel. I mean, it is yourheart. They can see that your kingdom is in turmoil, and they realize that's why you've let them in. To see if they have the slightest chance of rebuilding your broken kingdom.

We've all let people's past our walls and into our kingdoms. We've all been in other people's kingdoms, we've all been left alone in our kingdoms, and we've all left other people's kingdoms. People have decided to stab us in the back. Right in our own kingdom. 

A lot of people have closed their gates. They know it's not worth it to have people allowed in their kingdom anymore. Either they don't want to have the same thing happen to them, or they don't want to have other people deal with their kingdom. It's their kingdom, it's theirproblem!

Right?

If anything, I have been stabbed and left by almost anyone I've held close, and my gates should be locked with a HUGE LOCK. I've endured so much pain because my kingdom is like a theme park.

The fact that my kingdom gates are wide open shock me.